It was 26 Oct 2005. I have been appointed with the psychologist... the first time I consult the professional. My problem is (suspected) "social phobia" - one of the emotional disorder. Well, this might be the source of problems that have been following me for many years. The barrier that constrains the content of my life, i think.

When speech in a class, talk to or perform something before a group of people, I have the problem of being so nervous and getting blush. Even worse, my hands & body tremble in the way that seems uncontrollable and embarrass me so much. When standing at the stage like this, it is really a sort of torture to me. It does need time to "calm down" and back to the peaceful mind. Even a deep breath can't help. Starting from primary school, these symptoms have bother and upset me. I affirm that there was improvement as I always tell myself that the "symptoms" are mostly not reasonable... but I think there is quite a large room for my improvement. I know I need the help from professional.

After this session of consulting the psychologist, she told me that I do have "social phobia", but not severe type - at least I have tried not to escape from people. She suggested me to participate into a course of CBT. Well now, I'm really looking forward to this course which may change my life.